The beauty in mortality

Eight days in hospital is a long time to ponder. It is a long time to take stock and consider the things that matter, and the things that shouldn’t even register on the radar.

When you are lying in a hospital bed, in a cardiac ward, you can switch off to life, binge watch TV shows, read a little, snack and sleep a lot. Or you can take time out to reflect, journal, engulf yourself with the reality of our mortality and discover some real life-truths. Lessons you have heard, and perhaps been taught, but never really taken the time to embrace.

It is amazing how easily that we can justify whatever we want to revolve around this ever-changing universe called “us”.

Over the years I have watched as people of all ages, tunnel their way so deep into the caverns of their own selfishness, that they end up lost and suddenly have the need to blame God or others, without taking a step back to see what really got them there.

The breathtaking irony is that we as people know when we are wrong, we know when we have reached a place where we have isolated ourselves from humanity, right, and wrong, and yet feel comfortably numb to remain there.

The course in correcting this colossal mistake is not easily corrected because selfishness and pride can be easily chalked up to individuality and ambition.

I mean have you ever lied to someone so much that you actually started to believe it? Have you ever repeated a story so many times that it became a true mythological tale in your own life? I have.

Because for whatever innate reason we all have a longing to be gods amongst men. But gods are simply legends, and not human. You may not believe me, or disagree with my wording, but if you take in a brief observation of our current culture the goal is not to be rich, but to be famous. Everyone longs for the attention of another’s eyes. This is the Instagram world we live in.

After this past week, I have begun to realise that there is beauty in mortality and humanity, there is beauty in this triumphant tragedy called life.

If with no one else… try beginning to be real with yourself. Tell yourself the truth, allow yourself to feel guilt and regret because without it there is no course correction. Sometimes the shame of a past failure is just enough to open our eyes to our own humanity and become a better person.

Stop justifying the ‘sins’ in your life, stop pretending that you know what you’re doing. My eight days in a hospital bed have allowed me this ability of introspection. Look in the mirror today and this time just stare, just look into your own eyes because only you know what is happening behind that blank stare. Do you like who you see? Is this the person you thought you would be at [insert age]? Are you proud of all the actions this person has committed? Who is this person trying to please?

The author G.K. Chesterton wrote of a man who sailed from America to England, but early on in his trek he got off course by only a few degrees. When he finally touched down on land, he soon came to the realization that he was in Africa.

You see it is not massive failures that lead us to a life of self-absorption, but a few small ‘insignificant’ mistakes, that could have been corrected, ever so easily, had we just stopped, reflected, and changed our course.